Tonight I am...

Happy... satisfied... content...restless....wishing I could take an eraser to my heart sometimes...thankful for the strength to be self-controlled...yet frustrated that so much of life tends to be holding back...and frustrated that the holding back of that which needs to be held back often results in holding back that which would be better to express....frustrated in not knowing what way is the "best" way to go...frustrated that that which I thought was the "best" ended up failing... ... ...fascinated by anthropology...loving the opportunities to be a window to shine a beam of Christ's love into people's lives...wishing for more of those opportunities...loving friends, new and old, and those in between...loving little dogs, and big ones too...loving the mountains and the country-side...thankful for precious memories, and hoping God helps me let go of others...excited about the future... not wanting to get any older...wanting to be single and live with Ashley and her dog for the next ten years...wishing I could play guitar; or somehow carry a piano in the back of my car...wondering if it really is better to say too much than never say what needs to be said (John Mayer)... and wondering if I should be the one to say it...wishing I could open up more...yet comfortable with not opening up any more... and not really knowing how to open up any more...not wanting to leave Ashley and Catherine...excited to go to Florida and be with Mel and my grandparents...and thinking maybe it's time to go to bed... :-)